I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
