I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
If I die, sorry about rent.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
