Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
