I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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