I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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