I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
