even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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