I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
