need another drink. this is the easiest way
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize