whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
