I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
