I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
