I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
