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First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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