College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize