she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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