wat bout pragnant strippers??
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
