So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
