I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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