I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I have fence marks all over my body
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
