Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
