no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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