If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I could fuck to npr.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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