Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
another moral hangover. fuck.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
