Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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