meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize