Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
This baby is an asshole
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize