my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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