I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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