Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
