lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
