hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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