The maid of honor just puked.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
