I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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