Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize