I looked at my own cervix.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize