she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
