i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
