I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
