Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
