You can't special order awesome
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
