Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
