I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
