yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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