your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
