he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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