There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
