There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
