oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
