I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
