I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
