i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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