Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize