so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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