he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
