Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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