If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
