My Higher Power is John Stamos
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
