I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
