Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I love you.
Bad choice
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
