What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
