Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Let's get the cat blown out
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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