I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
