My first STD was from a foam party
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
