Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
