Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
