After last night, I could never be a politician.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
