I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
