This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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