She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
