one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
