and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
