I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
