I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
