lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
