When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
