we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
