my mouth tastes like poor choices
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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