I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
