She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize