Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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