why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
