You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
