"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My ass is underappreciated
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
