If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
