Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(201): View more from New Jersey

even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile

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(951): View more from California

I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it

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(207): View more from Maine

Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...

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(815): View more from Illinois

Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here

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(614): View more from Ohio

Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out

(574): View more from Indiana

You never cease to amaze me.

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(631): View more from New York

Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...

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(917): View more from New York City

The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.

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(206): View more from Washington

She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."

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