i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
