His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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