we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
