I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
