waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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