We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
