Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
