i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
