So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
