I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
