By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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